Counseling couples doesn’t just mean there is one more person in the room. The theories for couples counseling are completely different from the theories for individual counseling! Unlike individual counseling, most couples counseling theories are based on General Systems Theory. This is marriage and family counseling often has it’s own degree program and licensure process.
General Systems Theory, as it applies to counseling, was developed by Gregory Bateson in collaboration with MIT mathematician Norbert Weiner in the 1940s. Weiner had developed a feedback system that controlled plane speed. It was based on cybernetics, which is the use of an internal feedback system that maintains homeostasis. Those two must have had some interesting conversations. As a result of their brainstorming, Bateson developed family systems theory. Families, just like any other system, have a feedback system that attempts to maintain homeostasis.
Therefore most of the theories that inform family or couples counseling look at the effects the parts have upon one another. The problem does not lie within the individual, but rather within the system. When the family or couple isn’t functioning properly, it means that part of the system is broken. The system, in an attempt to maintain homeostasis, has now organized itself around the broken piece. It is the new organization that isn’t working and it is the therapist’s job to help the couple or family figure out what’s broken and how to fix it.
There are many family systems theorists. With the exception of the Narrative theorists and the Solution Focused theorists, each one of them is a different derivative of General Systems Theory. More specifically, the Human Validation Process Model looks at self-esteem; Structural Family Therapy looks at the structure of the family (family rules and who holds power); Strategic Family Therapy looks at communication patterns; Multigenerational Family Therapy looks at the effects of previous generations; Experiential Family Therapy focuses on self-actualization and the results of stress; Psychodynamic Family Therapy examines transference onto other family members; Cognitive-Behavioral Family Counseling seeks to change dysfunctional behavior and cognitive patterns.
Looking at the couple or family as a system has several benefits. First, by definition the therapist will have to be unbiased. If it is the system that is the problem, then individual parts cannot be blamed. They have just organized themselves poorly. Secondly, because there are multiple parts to a system all members involved in therapy have the opportunity to help make changes. In fact, the system cannot change without the permission and participation of all members because if one part changes, then the way that the remaining parts interact with that part must change.
Because there are so many parts, and so many ways that the parts can interact, working with couples and families is very interesting. Many moving parts make for an active session! The pace of couples or family counseling is usually much faster. Since the partners often react to each other, it doesn’t take long for them to become emotional. As you are speaking to one, you must attend to the others to see how they are reacting. Spend too long on one part, and the other parts become upset because they perceive bias.
