Self-help books are huge sellers, and can be helpful for those who cannot afford therapy. However, there are several issues with using self-help books that I think clients should be aware of.
It seems like there is a self-help book written on just about any topic you can imagine. It’s really impossible to keep up with. Routinely my clients ask me if I’ve read this book or that book, and my answer is usually “no.” (I’m honest). They usually seem disappointed; they have found a partial answer to their problems and I am apparently clueless.
My main issue with self-help books is that the information they contain can easily be misused. This is especially true for those individuals who are using them outside the context of a therapeutic relationship.
It’s not that I think I am irreplaceable. My entire goal in therapy is for the clients to replace me with themselves. It’s that clients can often be blind to things about themselves or their relationships that are too painful to face. Perhaps worse, a manipulative client can use the information in a self-help book against their partner.
Some examples:
1. A co-dependent person reading a book on how important it is to give lovingly and freely to their partner.
2. A narcissistic partner reading the article, “Marriage Isn’t For You“.
3. A woman with severe relationship issues reading a book that tells her she will improve her marriage by having sex with her husband.
It’s not that this isn’t good information. It’s that it is sometimes being used incorrectly. It’s like walking into a pharmacy and prescribing yourself pills based on your own conceptualization of your symptoms. Although you may be correct part of the time, without the benefit of an educated, objective opinion you are may harm yourself by taking the wrong medicine. What’s perhaps even worse is what taking the medicine does to your expectations. If you don’t get better, you may think something is seriously wrong with you when really it was simply the wrong medicine.
I’m not saying don’t ever read a self-help book without the intervention of a therapist. I’m saying “buyer beware.” If you are having issues, consider consulting with a therapist, even just for one session. Be sure to ask him or her about the particular book you are interested in and whether or not the therapist thinks that is a good choice. Even better, bring the book with you when you visit the therapist.
The other issue with self-help books is that by nature they are general. A book simply cannot cover all of the different combinations of issues and problems that exist in the world. However, trying to apply a general solution to a specific problem can miss the mark. Back to my medical simile, it’s like taking aspirin for a migraine. Although technically a migraine is a headache, it a headache of a specific type that requires a more specialized medicine.
This is what I tell my clients, and what you may want to consider telling yours.
Yours in the Joy of Knowledge,
Dr. Barbara LoFrisco
