Sometimes it is tempting to tell the client what to do. After all, as counselors we are trained in healthy human behavior! But we know from our training that giving advice can actually harm the client. So, what do we do instead?
Why giving advice is risky
You should have already learned this in your graduate program, but in the event you didn’t, let me explain. Although clients come to us seeking answers, and may push us to give them said answers, we must refrain from doing so. It is far better for the client to come up with their own answers. Yes, it makes our job more difficult, but we didn’t become counselors because the job is easy!
First of all, although we are experts on healthy relationships, healthy thought patterns, healthy emotional management, etc., we are NOT experts on the clients’ lives! Even the most open, verbal client isn’t going to be able to give us all of the information we would need to make decisions for them. Therefore, we couldn’t possibly tell them what to do. What if we are wrong? We will move on with our lives, whereas the client has to live with the decision.
Second, telling the client what to do deprives them of practicing the skill of making their own decisions. Weighing pros and cons, considering the big picture, managing conflicting emotions — these are all skills clients need to master if they are going to be successful at life. When we tell them what to do we short-circuit this process.
Third, despite our best efforts we sometimes bring bias into the room. We are humans and can’t help it! What if our bias tainted our advice to clients? For example, what if our spouse had just cheated on us, and our client is asking if serial adultery is a sufficient reason to leave the marriage? Wouldn’t we be tempted to say “Leave the bum!!”
Our education and experience alone are enough to create a power differential. When you consider that most clients are upset, and therefore vulnerable, our power grows and theirs shrinks. By telling them what to do, we are abusing our power.
So what do we do instead?
Instead, similar to a lawyer, we should ask the questions we already know the answers to. The challenge is to get the client to view their situation in a new way by integrating new perspectives and information. This is where the “art” part of our jobs comes in.
Yes, we are manipulating the client. But we are manipulating them to take in new information, not to follow our agenda.
Ultimately, the outcome is up to the client.
Yours in the Joy of Knowledge,
Dr. Barbara LoFrisco
