We can’t do therapy without asking questions. But, are all questions appropriate?
As part of our training, we are taught the importance of asking questions. We learn about the type of question to ask, depending on the type of answer we want from a client. As long as we aren’t socializing with the client, however, we may have gotten the impression that all questions are appropriate.
This is incorrect.
Counselors sometimes ask questions that range anywhere from irrelevant to offensive. For example, let’s say you are doing couples counseling with a same-sex couple. They present with communication issues, but you start asking them about their coming-out process. This is an example of an inappropriate question because it is unrelated to their presenting problem.
Sometimes, due to countertransference, or therapist personality factors such as obsessive tendencies, therapists can get “stuck” on a certain topic and not let go. This can be very frustrating to the client because they can sense we aren’t really getting the big picture. When we perseverate on irelevant details we can miss important topics resulting in the client feeling neither heard nor understood.
If it’s countertransference, we are probably getting more upset about an event or issue in our client’s life than they are. This can lead to an unintended result: the client then begins to minimize the event or issue. For example, if the client is describing their partner’s emotionally abusive behavior, and we make a bigger deal out of it than they do, they may start to say is “it’s really not that bad.” Obviously this is not the intended effect.
If it’s an obsession on details, the counselor may get stuck trying to “repair” that particular issue before moving on to the bigger picture. Again, the client reaction could be to minimize the issue in an effort to keep the counseling process moving. Or they may become annoyed. Another result you do not want.
Before asking the client a question, ask yourself the following questions:
- Is this information I need in order to help the client with their goals?
- Does the question fit within my theoretical framework?
- Is the question relevant to the current topic?
- Is this something the client is willing to discuss?
If the answer to any of these questions is “no,” then you probably shouldn’t ask the question. Not only do irrelevant questions waste time, they also could negatively impact the therapeutic relationship if they are too far off-base, or inappropriate.
Ensuring appropriate session content is among the many reasons good supervision is important, whether it’s obtained during the required one-on-one sessions to complete internship, or peer consultation after licensure. Good objective feedback from your supervisor or trusted colleagues can help you increase the self-awareness you need to keep your questions appropriate and relevant.
Yours in the Joy of Knowledge,
Dr. Barb LoFrisco
