A while back I wrote about the skill of self-disclosure. Recently, a thread in the ACA Connect discussion forum got my attention. Therefore, I will revisit the topic in this post.
As you may recall, self-disclosure in therapy is when a therapist shares his or her own personal views or experience with a client to improve the client’s emotional or mental state. It is done solely for the purpose of helping the client, not to meet the needs of the therapist. Although we can agree on the general definition, it seems we have difficulty agreeing on the specific implementation.
To wit, self-disclosure appears to be on a continuum, with some therapists doing little or none, and others doing it right at the beginning. It’s this latter category that I will discuss in this post.
I once had a professor who instructed us to immediately discuss our ethnicity with clients, particularly when it differed from the clients’. Before we had any conversation about their issue(s). Before we established goals or worked on the therapeutic alliance. Before anything, really. This professor seemed to believe that our own ethnic identity was so incredibly important to the counseling process that it was something that had to be immediately addressed.
A few days ago a discussion on the ACA Connect forum caught my attention, only this time it was about disclosing sexual orientation instead of ethnicity. This counselor, like my professor, believed that the immediate disclosure of these features of the counselor’s identity was essential to fully engage the client. Going further, he seemed to believe that to hide his sexual orientation would make him less transparent, less authentic somehow.
I fail to see how any of this is relevant to the counseling process.
Clients come to us in pain; some almost nearly bursting with the need to talk about what is bothering them. For others, it took many months of gathering courage to come in. Either way, they are there to talk about their issues and not hear about my own ethnicity or sexual orientation. Truly, I am just not that important.
Other therapists seem to agree. Responses on the forum included the following:
“I don’t think it is necessary or helpful to self-disclose ‘up front’ any personal information about ourselves to our clients. ”
“Self disclosure should be taken into consideration when there is potential benefit to the client and moves along their therapeutic ‘process’.”
“If it is to the benefit of your client, then do it, but if it is for your own well-being, then perhaps you should reexamine why you think the client should know.”
As counselors, we are not immune to our egos. Our own identities are very important to us, particularly if we are a member of a minority that has a history of being closeted. We may be very proud that we are “out,” but just because this was an incredible milestone for us doesn’t mean it will affect our clients’ lives. If we insist that it is, then perhaps we need to work on our own issues.
By all means, if in your best clinical judgement you think self-disclosure will help your client, then do it. But before you do, ask yourself what your motivation is. If you find yourself insisting that you have to immediately disclose to every client you see, then I think you should question yourself.
I, for one, ignored my professor on this issue (although I benefited greatly from his advice on many other topics). My immediacy is solely centered on the client’s presenting problem and not my skin color or sexual orientation. And I don’t think it’s ever been a problem. In fact, I think I bonded much more quickly by having client-centered conversations right from the start.
Yours in the Joy of Knowledge,
Dr. Barbara LoFrisco
