Do you adjust your verbal style based on your client?
Some clients are very verbal, and others struggle to express themselves. The reasons for this are varied: personality type (extrovert vs. introvert), trust level in counselor, type of presenting problem (i.e. anxiety vs. depression) and verbal IQ.
Despite the reason, it’s important to adjust your verbal style to better match the client. In the same way as you would tailor your interventions, you need to tailor your verbal expressiveness.
An instructor in my graduate program put it this way: when you tune an instrument, you start by listening to the current pitch, and then turning it either up or down until it reaches the perfect balance. In a similar way, we need to do that with clients. We need to start by meeting them where they are, and then working to bring them into verbal balance.
Let’s start with the really talkative client. This is the client that goes quickly from one statement to another, often changing topics midstream, with no opening for you to interject. A common mistake counselors make is failing to interrupt this type of client. It might be tempting to just allow the client to talk. (And, there are times when this is clinically appropriate.) However, if you don’t amp up your verbal expression to approximate the client (as you would do if you were tuning an instrument) then you will not only have failed to provide structure to the session, but you will have lost opportunities to intervene. That is not therapeutic. Instead, what you need to do is aim for a level of verbal expression that is just underneath the client. Remember, this is not a competition, but a way to achieve balance in the therapeutic hour.
Now let’s take the opposite situation: a really quiet client. This is the client who responds to your questions, even your most thought-provoking open questions, with one-word answers and doesn’t offer any additional information. Your natural impulse may be to talk more to fill the hour. This is a mistake. Let’s think systemically about this. Your attempt at achieving homeostasis by talking more is actually encouraging the client to talk less because the space is already being filled. Instead, slow down. Avoid giving a monologue. Allow many moments of silence during the session. Do not immediately reply to the client when they speak.
You may notice that you have a tougher time with one of the two types of clients described here. This is because therapist personal factors affect counseling style. More specifically, if you are an introvert you will have a tougher time with a talkative client because most of your verbal processing is done internally. It’s simply hard for you to think while clients are talking. Likewise, if you are an extrovert you will have a tougher time with quiet clients because most of your verbal processing is done externally. If the client isn’t talking, it’s difficult for you to formulate your thoughts.
If you do find yourself struggling, as always seek supervision or consultation, and utilize good self-care such as meditation prior to the session to help you be more present.
Yours in the Joy of Knowledge,
Dr. Barb LoFrisco
