As experts in communication, we are aware that most of communication is non-verbal. But are we fully aware of our own non-verbals? What if we are doing something that is alienating the client?
Most of us learned about SOLER (sit squarely, open posture, lean towards client, eye contact and relax) in one of the first courses we took in our graduate program. However, there are other non-verbal signals you need to attend to in the counseling room:
- Calm your hands. What do you do with your hands when you are talking to a client? If you are holding something, like a pen, then you are probably fidgeting, which can be very distracting. Also, if you have a table next to you don’t tap on it. Lastly, if you are seeing a couple, do not point. Use their first names or direct eye contact to get their attention. If you do need to point for some reason, be sure to do so with an open palm.
- Know your resting face. Have other people told you you look mad all the time? Have you caught yourself in the mirror looking miserable when you actually felt happy? Clients can react strongly to our facial expressions, and an incongruent face can lead to harmful therapeutic misunderstandings. Be aware of your resting face, and if it doesn’t portray your emotions accurately you can start to work on re-training your facial muscles by practicing the correct face.
- Adjust your volume. If you speak too softly, not only will clients not be able to hear you but they will be more likely to interrupt you. Also, if you project too much tentativeness (above and beyond the therapeutic stance of “one-down”) you will lose credibility with the client. Likewise, if you speak too loudly you may intimidate the client, or violate confidentiality if others can hear you through the walls or door. Ask a trusted friend or colleague for feedback if you are unsure of your speaking volume.
- Fine tune your diction and grammar. You may not be aware that you have combined words, or invented new ones. Common examples include: “I’m gonna,” “All’s you gotta do,” and “Didya do your homework assignment?” You also may have some bad grammar habits. If your client also speaks this way, then they are probably not going to notice your incorrect speech. In fact, it could even be a way of joining with your client. However, if your client uses proper diction and grammar, then you are likely to lose credibility with your client. Try asking a friend or colleague with excellent diction and grammar for feedback.
- Reduce excessive talking. Are you overly wordy? Do you use several sentences to communicate something you could have said with just a few words? If you are too wordy you may inadvertently dominate the counseling session, and thus inhibit the client. Try listening to a tape of one of your sessions if you are concerned about your wordiness.
Yours in the Joy of Knowledge,
Dr. Barbara LoFrisco
*Source: The Essentials of Business Etiquette by Barbara Pachter with Denise Cowie
