The Power of Emotion and Growth in Therapy with Yolanda Harper at Harper Therapy. Ep.50

Episode Overview

• Episode Topic: Welcome to Mastering Counseling,  we engage in the intricate world of Trauma & Growth Therapy, featuring Yolanda Harper, a renowned expert in the field and owner of Harper Therapy. We discuss the transformative power of addressing trauma with innovative therapeutic approaches, emphasizing the potential for post-traumatic growth. The discussion is centered around how Trauma & Growth Therapy not only aids in healing but also fosters resilience, empowering individuals to navigate their journey of recovery and personal development. This episode is a deep dive into the mechanisms of trauma, the strategies for fostering growth, and the impactful stories of resilience that emerge in the therapeutic process.
• Lessons You’ll Learn: Listeners are in for a treat as the discussion is about the application of Trauma & Growth Therapy, and understanding its profound impact on individuals’ lives. The episode outlines practical strategies for therapists to harness emotions effectively, enhancing the healing process in trauma therapy. You’ll learn about the innovative techniques Yolanda Harper employs, including Accelerated Resolution Therapy and neurofeedback, and how these approaches facilitate significant breakthroughs in therapy. The conversation also highlights the importance of therapist self-care, offering guidance on balancing professional responsibilities with personal well-being, crucial for sustaining a meaningful practice in Trauma & Growth Therapy.
• About Our Guest: Yolanda Harper is the Founder and Director of Harper Therapy, a distinguished figure in the counseling world, specializing in Trauma & Growth Therapy. Her comprehensive background combines advanced techniques such as Accelerated Resolution Therapy with a deep understanding of relational dynamics, making her a pivotal voice in trauma and post-traumatic growth discussions. Yolanda’s personal journey and professional expertise illuminate the pathways through which trauma can be transformed into opportunities for profound personal growth, showcasing the resilience and strength that can emerge from the therapeutic process.
• Topics Covered: This engaging conversation covers a wide range of topics essential to Trauma & Growth Therapy, from the core principles of effective couple’s therapy to the integration of cutting-edge research into clinical practice. Discussions include the utilization of emotional harnessing in therapy, the application of relational life therapy, and the incorporation of Brené Brown’s principles into fostering vulnerability and connection. We delve into the balance of professional and personal life for therapists, emphasizing the importance of self-care and continuous learning in the field of trauma therapy. The episode is a comprehensive exploration of the strategies, challenges, and rewards associated with guiding clients through their trauma and growth journeys.

Episode Transcript

Yolanda Harper: Like many helping professionals, I serve from my history and I grew up in a house full of chaos, and a number of years ago, I happened to meet with someone who was completing her master’s in social work and wanted to meet with me individually for therapy in order to meet her requirements for school. And on our second session, she said, so you grew up in an alcoholic, abusive family and the air left the room. I thought to myself, we don’t say that out loud. And the next thing I thought was, this is what I’m going to do with the rest of my life to help people. I realized over time that not just the trauma piece was important, but the way that trauma impacts relationships.

Becky Coplen: Welcome to Mastering Counseling, the weekly business show for counselors. I’m your host, Becky Coplen. I’ve spent 20 years working in education in the role of both teacher and school counselor. Each episode, we’ll be exploring what it takes to thrive as a counseling business owner. From interviews with successful entrepreneurial counselors to conversations with industry leaders on trends and the next generation of counseling services, to discussions with tech executives whose innovations are reshaping counseling services, if it impacts counseling, we cover it, on mastering counseling. Welcome back to Mastering Counseling. So good to have another renowned guest today. Yolanda Harper is a licensed clinical social worker outside of Florida, and we look forward to hearing her story today. She has been a beacon of hope for many people in the counseling and therapy world. Thank you for being here today, Yolanda.

Yolanda Harper: Thank you so much for having me. I’m so looking forward to this conversation. You have so many wonderful ones. So I really consider myself lucky to be having this opportunity.

Becky Coplen: Well, we’re fortunate that you have so much experience and you are an author as well. I saw your website for your books and journals, Soul Sabbatical, so I’m sure we will be talking about that as well. Let’s go ahead and talk about the main focus and the clients that you help specializing in trauma and post-traumatic growth. Let’s talk about why you got into that part of it and what that looks like in your practice.

Yolanda Harper: Like many helping professionals, I serve from my history, and I grew up in a house full of chaos. A number of years ago, I happened to meet with someone who was completing her master’s in social work and wanted to meet with me individually for therapy in order to meet her requirements for school. And on our second session, she said, so you grew up in an alcoholic, abusive family and the air left the room and I thought to myself, we don’t say that out loud. And then the next thing I thought was, this is what I’m going to do with the rest of my life is to help people. From that, I realized over time that not just the trauma piece was important, but the way that trauma impacts relationships. So I see individuals for trauma work in them. I do see couples as well.

Becky Coplen: Thank you for sharing the personal side of that, were you already practicing as a social worker when you had that conversation or you were in a completely different line of work?

Yolanda Harper: I was a stay-at-home mom, so that conversation, and that experience prompted me to go back to school and complete my degree in social work and the rest is history.

Becky Coplen: That is amazing. Let’s talk about your expertise in Accelerated Resolution Therapy, which you use a lot with your clients. Talk to us about what kind of therapy, what that looks like, and how the success you’re seeing with it.

Yolanda Harper: Yeah. So Accelerated Resolution Therapy or ART is an eye movement-based therapy. It’s very similar to EMDR, and it’s the cornerstone of the trauma work that I do, and that the other clinicians who work here at Harper Therapy that we do. It has been a modality that I trained in early on, as soon as I completed school, and was close enough to licensure that they would let me take the training. I took the training, and again, it’s one of those things that I haven’t looked back. It’s been so effective. I’ve had the opportunity to help with the research around ART, and to use it in many different formats, from combat veteran retreats to now I do it individually with in weekly sessions with clients. I also offer intensives and pretty much anyone who’s walking through the door, I’m curious about how I can help them using this modality because it’s just so effective.

Becky Coplen: A lot of your website and work talk a lot about harnessing emotions and being able to build relationships back. Talk to us about that angle.

Yolanda Harper: Early on in my career, I used to pretend that the work that I do is not, “How does that make you feel? And tell me about your childhood.” And then I realized, wow, where I get the most effective results are those spaces that I explore. How does that make you feel? And tell me about your childhood. So I think especially in the society that we’re living in today, we are so disconnected from our emotions. And when I think of both the trauma work and the couple’s work and just the brain science in both of those, and the connection to emotions and how emotions drive cognition and our behaviors, and are the things that get in the way of the life, are unprocessed emotions, and not being in tapped with our emotions keep us in these just disintegrated or unintegrated patterns where we are just rolling through life, and our life isn’t looking the way that we want. So harnessing the power of emotions and the power of connection and relationship, it’s just the cornerstone of how we help people.

Becky Coplen: Yeah, it’s such an interesting time to be alive, isn’t it? With all of the work on this end and then how people are connecting. And let’s talk about the practice that you are in charge of Harper Therapy. How big of a practice? How many people has it been built over many years? How does that look?

Yolanda Harper: I started in private practice at Harper Therapy in 2015, and then around 2017, I started taking in students from the local universities. I think many of us are aware, especially in private practice, that it can be really lonely. It can be just a very isolating experience. So I’m really passionate about connection and also supporting upcoming therapists. And so it started off with students and then over time we hired clinicians. And so my husband and I are actually co-founders and co-owners of the practice and the feelings when he’s the number one. Yeah, it works out well. And so yeah. And so we have four other therapists who are working here with us now, and everybody specializes in trauma and the relationship side of things. So we do utilize Accelerated Resolution Therapy and EMDR. And woven into the couple’s work is some inner child work. And so very much those pieces throughout the whole practice.

Becky Coplen: That’s really awesome. How did that happen with both of your careers and your working at home?

Yolanda Harper: We were high school sweethearts. So we’ve been together forever, more than 30 years. So as I was at home and raising kids and that kind of thing, he had a job in Corporate America and then several years ago, left Corporate America to come and run the practice. He was always involved on the back end of things in the practice all along, and then it was just more formalized. So we lived together, we worked together, and we figured out how to make it work. It’s a little tricky sometimes, just trying to put some boundaries around the workpiece since we’re together all the time. But yeah.

Becky Coplen: There were times my husband and I worked together more as teachers about like 20 years ago. But some people I hear say they never, ever could do it. But hopefully, if people are helping other couples, they’re applying the principles and making it work. So very cool.

Yolanda Harper: That is a big part of it too, because my husband has an MBA, but he also has an MDiv. As I have over the years done the training and relational life therapy, which is the couple’s modality that we use, he was observing that we were sharing that back and forth as a couple. So that also has taken our relationship to a different level. So having that as we stepped into full-time working together was really helpful. And yes, practicing what we preach, for sure.

Becky Coplen: I love that. Maybe he’ll have to come on here in a month or so and give us all the business angles of it. That’d be great.

Yolanda Harper: Yeah, I’m sure that if you’re open to it, We can have him come in and we can have a conversation all together. He also does some business coaching.

Becky Coplen: So yeah, I’m sure and we love the business end of it as well because so many of the people listening are interested in this field. But the business part is where you get minimal to nothing when you’re in your program and everyone’s scrounging around trying to find a coach.

Yolanda Harper: Scrambling, trying to figure it out. Yeah, none of us were given that business side. Thankfully, a number of the master’s programs are weaving in maybe a business class or so, but yeah, and especially shifting from a solo practice to a group practice, that’s a whole different animal.

Becky Coplen: Oh, I’m sure. Let’s talk a little bit about the couple’s therapy, which is a huge piece of your practice and just some things that you feel are working for you guys, even like space setups. Are you doing it in person? Are you doing online a mix of both? How is the couple’s therapy a little different than maybe, say, working with a veteran who’s on his own?

Yolanda Harper: Well, everything is relational in my opinion. From my perspective, everything is relational. So to break down some of the questions that you just asked, we are in Florida pretty much even through periods of time through COVID. There was a great request that as soon as it was safe to do so, we shifted from online to back in person. And so we do both. My personal preference is in person. That tends to be what we hear a lot from our clients, especially with the level of trauma that I work with, just having that read of a full person and a full body is helpful. And the same with couples. There are times that I work with couples online and it’s great. It makes things convenient. It makes things doable for people. But there are some things that happen, like below the camera’s surface that I’m not exactly able to read, but it’s using that interpersonal neurobiology to be able to read some of that stuff. And so it still can happen online. I just prefer it in person. So we see people in person, and I do all of my intensives in person. So I do offer two-day intensives and those are completely in-person. It’s just a felt sense of being in the space, we have a couple of therapy dogs that help hold space as well. So all of that is in the mix. And. I’m not sure if you had any other questions about that or if that was answered.

Becky Coplen: How does that work? Do you guys care for the dogs in your own homes and they come, do other people? How does that work?

Yolanda Harper: The therapy dogs came from my work in these combat veteran retreats and observing veterans coming in with their service animals. And very clearly, there’s a difference between a service animal and a therapy dog. But I saw that and I knew from the work that I was doing in my office individually with clients, that sometimes having an animal in the space for someone to connect with is what is helpful for them to be able to take a step into the office. And sometimes it’s coming and just petting the therapy dog for the hour and seeing that I’m a human being and us being able to form a connection and a relationship from there. So these are our two personal dogs that we have trained to be therapy dogs. There are Goldendoodles.

Becky Coplen: Goldendoodles, I love them too.

Yolanda Harper: I know, aren’t they the best?

Becky Coplen: Yes, We’re so great.

Yolanda Harper: When it’s something that was hypoallergenic and someone that or a dog that had a good temperament, a good personality. And so that’s just what worked for us. Certainly, there are totally a gazillion different ways of doing it. But yeah, Toby is the older one. Hobbes is the younger one. Toby’s eight, Hobbes is six. Toby is my alert, watch your six, and be on guard. And he usually positions himself right by the door. And then Hobbes is usually right on the couch, next to a client, and they’re just petting him as they go along. But yeah, they go home, they come to and from work with us. They know what their job is. They know they’re special. These are your work collar and leash and you know, my work bag, and so when I’m grabbing my work bag and heading towards the door, they get ready to go.

Becky Coplen: That is so amazing. I could probably talk about that for the whole next time because we have a three-year-old Goldendoodle and not as well trained I guarantee you. But if they are just so smart in the things that they want or will do and not do that’s amazing. I love that they know when it’s work time and home.

Yolanda Harper: They do, they do, and I will just say they are pretty well trained. But at home it’s like, they let all the training go. But even in the couples session, I did an intensive and couples intensive this past weekend and things were just really tense as we were getting started. Thank goodness for these dogs because they helped everybody in the space to settle.

Becky Coplen: This episode is brought to you by mastersincounseling.org. If you’re considering enrolling in a master’s level counseling program to further your career, visit mastersincounseling.org to compare school options via our search tool that allows you to sort by specific degree types, tuition, our costs, online flexibility, and more. So let’s talk about some intensives. I know some of the people we’ve talked to on there have run special weekend things, but I feel like this is maybe a bigger part of your work. So what does that look like? Schedule-wise? Commitment-wise? That is a big undertaking. It sounds. So talk to us about that.

Yolanda Harper: My entire journey, professionally and business-wise has been really what is my history, what’s my story, and what resonates for me. That’s how I stepped into Accelerator Resolution Therapy because I had observed some other trauma modalities like prolonged exposure. And I was like, I cannot do that. When I found ART that felt right when I found Relational Life Therapy, I’d explored all the typical couples modalities, and none of them felt like they quite fit, especially in the impact on relationships of the trauma piece. So as soon as I found that I was like, that is it. I am a Certified Daring Way facilitator. So that was actually my first certification. And those of us who’ve heard of Brené Brown, that just hearing her words and her message and in getting a better understanding of her research, it was just like, these are the things. And so all of these pieces weave together. Several years ago, I was just at a place personally, that I was looking for my own intensive experience. I was looking for my own retreat-intensive experience. And as I was looking around, the only thing that I could find was these group things, which are great. That’s fantastic. But that wasn’t what I was looking for at the time. So I sat down and I thought, what would I want this to be? And I thought about the combat veteran retreats that I helped with in all of these other little pieces and came up with a two-day intensive format. So again, I do couples intensives and I do individual trauma intensives and it’s just over the span of two days, a block of time in the morning, a nice break, a block of time in the afternoon, day one, day two, and then a two-hour follow up within a month. And that was self-informed too, like what do I need time and energy-wise. Because it’s an open format. If a therapist is thinking about doing intensive, it can look like whatever feels right for you. I knew for myself, that a two-hour block of time was a good amount of time for me to operate at my highest and best, to get into the clinical work, and to get to the depth that I am looking to get the changes that we’re looking to make during that period of time, and then that just that break in the middle of the day and then another block of work in the afternoon. And then usually at the end of that first day, we offer a craniosacral massage or a sound bath or something that again helps to calm the nervous system and release some of the stuff that’s being held, both by the client and by me as we’re doing the work together.

Becky Coplen: It just sounds as intense as it is intensive.

Yolanda Harper: It depends on what the rest of my clinical schedule is. For a while, I was only doing intensives, so I could do 2 or 3 a month. Now I have a weekly caseload. As I was completing certification for ROT, I needed to be able to see couples weekly just to be able to complete that certification. So now I might schedule one a month just because I’ve got my weekly. Now that I’ve completed certification, I might shift back at some point to just intensives, but this is just where I am now.

Becky Coplen: Yeah, very intense.

Yolanda Harper: You’re right. They are intense. So it’s understanding, the pacing, and like all of this conversation is part of a couple of years ago I took a sabbatical. So all of you’re asking a really important question like what’s the pacing of that? So that is part of what I explored while I was on sabbatical. How do I need to make adjustments so that I can stay in this field for the long haul? Because so many of us are getting burned out, especially as a trauma therapist and couples is pretty intense work too. So like, what do I need to do? What do I need to put in place so that I can stay in this game for the long haul, that I’m not burned out and not any good to anybody, clients or my family and the rest of our team and all of that?

Becky Coplen: Any other tips or practices for the framework that you’re in right now that you would add to keeping that balance safe for everyone around you?

Yolanda Harper: Well, for me, part of it has been to give myself permission to acknowledge the impact of this work on me. I think that because so many of us are helping professionals by nature, that’s just our nature to care for and help people, that we just put that hat on and we carry on without really slowing down long enough to go, wow, that’s taken a little bit of a toll. Some of the trauma work that I do is what movies are made out of. People are like, have you seen this movie? And I’m like, “No, that’s a Tuesday for me. I don’t need to see that movie.” I understand how horrible humanity can be. So it’s recognizing that giving myself permission to have a better understanding of that. For those of us who are like type A and perfectionists and people-pleasing, understanding how that takes a toll as well, understanding how my own history of trauma impacts all of these things and keeps me in an over-functioning mode when I’m not aware of it. And this is why I’m like, Why are emotions important? Because of this? Because of this? Because otherwise it’s just running the show and we’re like along for the ride without a clear understanding of what’s going on. So those things how patriarchy, how hyper-capitalism, just this hustle culture that we live in, that it’s like there is only measure of value is like our productivity. And so recognizing that and stepping back from that, and understanding, reminding ourselves of our value and worth outside of the number of sessions that we have, outside of the income that we bring in all of those things.

Becky Coplen: Yeah, very important for sure. I love your perspective on those. I don’t even know how to frame this one exactly, but I’m getting the feeling you are probably helping the people who have had the worst of the worst happen to them, and I don’t know how to say this in the right way without, I don’t want to sound condescending at all. Do you ever feel like they do you say no to some people or refer them out for how do I say lesser issues? Do you try to keep your niche, which isn’t a great word with the intensity that you deal with. Talk to us about that.

Yolanda Harper: Especially since the sabbatical, now some of the stuff was in place before, and then in 2021, I hit this wall where I was getting through 2020, keeping a business open, like we all remember those days. So by the spring of 2021, I remember my husband and I, took a trip to the panhandle of Florida, to one of the most beautiful beaches up there, and I remember stepping onto the beach and thinking, “Oh my God, I can breathe,” which is awesome. But there was a moment of panic that went along with that because I didn’t realize how I wasn’t breathing, I didn’t realize the fact that I wasn’t breathing. What was my habit at the time? I was like, well, let me just put a lid on that. I’ll address it. We were going to do a business retreat. We were going to take a trip to Utah and do a business retreat. I was like, I’ll deal with it then. And then when I got to Utah, I sat down and I did what I call a perfect day exercise to write out a perfectly normal day. What are the things that I’m doing? What time do I get up? What am I eating? Who am I spending time with? How many clients am I seeing? How does that feel? And I realized in writing that out that nothing in my perfect day was actually what I was living. And so I cried for a week and we started putting plans in place, for me to take a sabbatical, to take some time away. So as a long answer to your question, that is how I determine the number of people that I am seeing on my caseload.

Becky Coplen: All right. Let’s talk a little bit about your Soul, your Sabbatical because I’m guessing that is where your book came out of that time in 2021, I believe, called Soul Sabbatical. And we have a hint of what it’s about. But do you speak on it anywhere? How has that whole process gone for you?

Yolanda Harper: Thank you for asking, because this is my new expression, the newest expression of my heart and soul. I actually just published Soul Sabbatical in October. It’s a brand new little thing that I’ve put out into the world that I’m trying to breathe life in. So thanks for giving me an opportunity to have a conversation about it. So as I was going through that, through my sabbatical experience, I held it close because, “Who am I to take a sabbatical?” All of that was playing through my mind. On the other side of it, I started sharing just a little bit about my experience, about what I was learning, and people just started resonating with this idea of taking some time and space, creating practices to be in touch with your heart, with your intuition, with your knowing. Like all of that, I never expected. I’ve never been a person who has had a dream of being an author or writing a book. I was called to it. So as people resonated with what I was saying on social media, and asked more questions, I started writing. Throughout that time, I was journaling anyway. So really the book was basically a series of journal entries, and since then it’s just been really cool and humbling to hear how people are responding to the message of the book, making changes for themselves. Quite a few people have taken their own sabbatical. People are slowing down, making changes to their schedules, and recommending the book to clients. So it’s just this little countercultural revolution that’s just at the beginning.

Becky Coplen: Yeah, that’s very exciting. Thank you for sharing your heart about that. And a lot of people I’m talking with on here are bringing up the real-time, really pausing, really giving space. And hopefully, it’ll just become a more normal part of everyone’s daily life. But I’m sure your book will be helping people, and it’s been really cool how so much you’re just sharing your life with people, and then they’re joining in, and then it’s redefining your workspace and your work life, I love it.

Yolanda Harper: I think that there’s so much of this. We’re not alone. The whole relational piece in the connection, I have recognized in my life that I’m a sort of a canary in the coal mine, and I’m one of those people who’s looking around at the state of things and saying, “Why are we not talking about this? Why are we decades into knowing about adverse childhood experiences but still not talking about childhood trauma? Why are we not talking about these things?” And there’s just this sense of not being alone. If my sharing a little piece of my experience can help someone to feel not alone in their struggle with finding peace and balance and tending to their heart and soul and slowing down and all of those things, then that’s what it’s all about.

Becky Coplen: Yes, I think especially as moms, to your hesitation to rest at all, you feel guilt or it’s like some kind of special privilege, and it actually should be way more normal.

Yolanda Harper: That’s where I lean on, like my Daring Way certification in that training, in the difference between guilt and shame and really being in that space with myself. Is this something that I’m guilty of, or does society put shame on us around this? Am I shaming myself? So yeah, it all kind of interweaves together. But yes, especially as a mom plus a helping professional, it’s almost as if the cards are stacked against us. And in some ways, with the patriarchal society that we live in, they are.

Becky Coplen: We’ve covered so many things, including lots of the modalities that you share, and the way your practice works. Is there anything else that you feel like you would want people going into this field? Maybe they’ve been practicing a year or two, or maybe even just considering the field at all in getting a master’s, or possibly even beginning their bachelor’s. What would you want some of those people in their early 20s to know?

Yolanda Harper: My reply to that is that my kids are all grown now. My husband and I are empty nesters and so they are from early to mid 20s. And it’s been amazing to me how my kids and their friends have resonated with the message in Soul Sabbatical, because of the way that things are structured in our society, and the pressures that we’re putting on this generation, they’re already burnt out by the time they get to college or get to grad school. So I would say read the book. And also slowing down to have a better understanding of what feels right for you and connecting with what you know to be true and not necessarily pursuing every certification that therapists are talking about modalities, and stuff. Just have an understanding of what resonates for you and hone in on those things. Focus on those things and let some of the other things fall to the wayside because there’s always going to be additional modalities and all of that kind of stuff to train in who you are is enough. You don’t need another certification to do good work.

Becky Coplen: That is really cool. Yes, check it out. To our listeners, a Soul Sabbatical, I think it’s like all the words together.

Yolanda Harper: Yeah. The website is yolandaharper.com and join the community there.

Becky Coplen: I saw that you could be a whole part of it online which so many people are doing all across the nation. Well, thank you so much for giving us your time today and sharing part of your own personal story and then how that’s played out. And it is just so amazing that you can help people who have probably seen such devastating, terrible things. I just have such huge respect for people who can hear those stories and help people pull out of that, and continue on their lives. So we really appreciate the work that you’re doing.

Yolanda Harper: Well, again, thank you for the opportunity, such a beautiful conversation, and for the work that you are doing and for having these conversations with mental health professionals and my colleagues who are doing really amazing work in the world. And the thing is, I don’t do it alone. It’s all about community, connection and collaboration. So each of us does our own little part and we make big ripples in the world. So, thank you.

Becky Coplen: I agree. To our listeners today on Mastering Counseling. We’re so privileged to have heard about the many multifaceted approaches of Yolanda Harper, especially, in trauma therapy and personal growth. So we’re thankful for her to be here today. For the listeners, tell us what you’re thinking, leave messages and comments on social media, and we look forward to future episodes on Mastering Counseling. Have a wonderful day. You’ve been listening to the Mastering Counseling podcast by mastersincounseling.org. Join us again in the next episode as we explore what it takes to be a business success in the counseling industry.